I stepped into a highly recommended coffee shop decorated with white subway tiles and expansive windows letting in strong natural light, with people buzzing all around the shop.
But it wasn’t just any coffee shop. It was as if I had stepped out of DC and into a French bakery, the counter piled high with fresh baked goods — Flaky pain au chocolate with rich chocolate oozing out the sides, seasonal cakes decorated with layers of citrus and buttercream, and oversized croissants fitted with layers of eggs, bacon, and cheese.
As I got closer to the display, I spotted gluten-friendly on little signs here and there, but many were followed by contains: dairy.
“Can I get you a pastry?” the clerk asked.
In that moment, it occurred to me that I would be missing out on an experience. This was one of the best cafes in the city and everything looked so fresh; But mentally, I had decided that I wouldn’t be trying any of it.
I kindly responded “no”. Then proceeded to order an almond milk matcha latte with a drizzle of honey.
Finding a little cafe table, I settled in and began to write.
Today’s thoughts
This is the third time in the past few weeks that I would have to say no to experiencing something everyone else is delighting in.
The first was at an Italian restaurant for my friend’s birthday, where the only thing on the menu for me was a top dollar fish entrée, which didn’t even include sides.
Then I met up with a friend while traveling and had to swap the most recommended main dish because the chicken skewers were marinated in a sauce that contained milk.
And now I can’t enjoy a freshly baked pastry because I’m worried my stomach might hurt. But will it?
I don’t like being complicated and I really don’t like missing out when everyone else is enjoying an experience together.
This is what I wrote. I’m sharing my raw thoughts because I know just how many people are struggling with restrictive thoughts around food. Whether trying to do it all “perfectly” or struggles with body image, or even because you are having to deal with severe allergies or intolerances — this isn’t how it’s meant to be.
First, I’m sorry — I know firsthand what it feels like. Second, it doesn’t have to be like this.
While I would love to say my struggle with food is non-existent, there are still days when my thoughts come close to getting the best of my decisions.
Days where I have to remind myself that the nourishment of food isn’t just physical; it’s spiritual, mental, and emotional too.
I choose nourishment because I want to live a life of freedom. A life where food doesn’t have the control. One where I am making food choices that have benefits far beyond just physical nourishment — enjoyment, connection, celebration, experience, and delight too!
But, that means I have to sometimes let go and embrace a new perspective.
Letting go of perfection
These recent experiences have been a reminder to me of just how powerful mindset can be.
Letting go of perfect and embracing the mindset of 80/20 is what enables me a majority of the time to live a life of healthy balance.
One that says yes to ice cream for date night, doesn’t worry about every single ingredient in a restaurant meal, does the best she can and moves on, because isn’t life so much more than what we eat, or drink or wear?
Little reminders I frequently repeat to shift my mindset:
I am choosing nourishment.
I am choosing to let go of doing it all “perfectly.”
I am choosing what feels good physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I am choosing to make decisions out of joy instead of fear.
Choosing mindfully
I want to focus on nourishing my whole body, not just my physical self.
At home, that means choosing mostly whole, nutrient-dense foods because that’s what makes me feel good and gives me the energy to do everything else I need to get done in a day.
I absolutely love creating in the kitchen and sharing balanced recipes with all of you!
But, sometimes, it means mindfully choosing something on the menu because it’s different than the norm. Then choosing not to stress about it because there’s good conversation and good flavors to enjoy.
Mindfully choosing indulgence is from a place of care for your body. Choosing something because you’ll enjoy it, not because everyone else is getting it so you have to have it too.
It’s why I chose to have the matcha sweetened with honey this morning instead of opting for a black coffee.
While I love black coffee, I wanted to experience something sweet and unique from my usual routine. For me, it was a mindful indulgence from a place of joy. It was an opportunity to partake in the experience, while choosing what works for my body right now.
Why I made a change in the first place
I chose to remove gluten and dairy from my regular rotation of ingredients because of my digestion. I made that decision because I was tired of feeling sluggish and having random stomach pains, not because I wanted to follow another diet or make choices out of restriction (been there, done that). And for about a year and a half, it’s been incredible overall.
But there are times when I just want to go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing.
I want to make a decision not based on fear of feeling bad, but out of the joy of the experience.
Right now, this looks like mindful indulgence and moderation. This is the difference between a sustainable lifestyle focused on nourishment versus a restrictive diet that leads to crashing, resentment, and an unhealthy relationship with the one body you’ve been given.
The practice of moderation and balance is just as important for me, my nourishment, and my mindset, as it is for eating quality foods, moving my body, and getting good sleep.
Your body is resilient
You know your body best, and you know what your body needs. By being able to tune in and listen to it, you get to decide when you indulge in something different than the norm, and when you stick to your usual routine.
Not because someone else is doing something different or telling you what to do, but because you have the freedom to choose.
And you know what the great news is?
Our bodies are resilient.
We will adapt.
We will be healthy and flourish because we choose to nourish our bodies well across all areas.
Not because of restriction or perfection, but out of a place of love, care, and good stewardship.
Reflecting on your mindset
Food is meant to be enjoyed! Even if you are struggling with an allergy or eating a certain way due to a health condition, it’s still meant to be enjoyable!
Sometimes it’s not even the meal or the regular eating patterns that need to change, but it’s the mindset you have at every single meal.
It can propel you forward or greatly set you back, and you get to choose which one.
The mindset of choosing nourishment in all circumstances can be a powerful one to propel you forward for years to come.
Before you go on to the next thing, I encourage you to pause, take a few minutes to reflect:
Where’s your mindset currently at? Is it where you want to be?
A space for connection
I hope you enjoyed this personal reflection on choosing nourishment. I share this with you because I care deeply about this being an authentic and real space for us to continue to learn, grow, and support each other.1
This is just the start of the conversation, and I invite you to share your own experience with food, nourishment, and making healthy, sustainable choices that work for your life, instead of against it with this community.
I’d love to know in the comments, what most resonated with you?
I wish you a nourishing and joyful week ahead, one that enables you to live a lovely life where you are living out your purpose each and every day!
All the best,
Grace Barker
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I really relate to so much of this, Grace! I think we can stay true to the diets that work best for us the large majority of the time, while allowing a little wiggle room for convenience or enjoyment. For me, that means being vegan most of the time, but occasionally having a buttery croissant at a great bakery, or a slice of really well made cheese pizza. It took me over a decade to give myself permission to find that balance and to let go of the guilt attached to not being 100% adherent to a dietary label.